stuff I made while living in the sticks

i like to think I crochet and quilt, lately I am just a yarn and fabric collector ;)

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

going crazy

don't mind me, I am just thinking out loud here


I am making myself batty worrying about my MRI results and my appointment with the neurosurgeon next week.


Should I have surgery? If he even recommends it??
My primary doctor, pain clinic doctor, and my my brother's brother-in-law doctor, one of my chiropractors...
all tell me to do it.
I am not so sure.
The thought of spine surgery scares me.
REALLY scares me.

I am a little more open to the option of a disc replacement
but insurance says its experimental 
(excuse me but I don't think of 20 years of successful outcomes to be experimental but you don't listen to me)
Although one insurance rep told me to find a doctor that would plead my case and fight for me, It could get approved.


If I have fusion there is no turning back.
What if I am worse? What if I can't turn my head? 
You can't live in the boonies country and not be able to drive, I would be totally isolated. 


I worry way too much
I got that from my grandma and my mom
I can still hold out hope that my neck is stable and I can keep putting this off.
But it hurts so much I am miserable,
Chronic pain wears on a person. 
But I have met my deductible this year already
Still have about $4000 more to go in co-pay before I max that out.
But if I wait, I will have to start over again.


See? I flip flop a million times in a day.




arrgghhh
I need a nap and that is so not going to happen.
Tomorrow I am going to pick up a copy of the MRI and get the radiologist report,
hopefully I can see what he thinks



6 comments:

  1. For what it's worth, my mother had a spinal fusion in 1964--and insurance paid for it, although I'm sure it was a tiny fraction of what they cost today. (I think her's was in or near the lumbar region. She passed just a couple of months shy of 88--from causes that had nothing to do with her back.)
    Experimental, huh? Veddddddy interesting!
    I hope you are able to get the care you need and come to a peaceful decision about what will work best for you.

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  2. Thanks Dora, I think if it was my lumbar I would not think twice. Since its my neck I worry about losing motion. So much to consider.

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  3. It is scary to have surgery there. You made a good point though - chronic pain wears on a person. Good luck with your decision, my friend.

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  4. Wow, it is scary! I wish I could give any advice but it's definitely a big decision. You need to weigh all cons and pros with your doctor. Good luck!

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