Hoping

and praying that sweet Dr D says no surgery for me.
(I met him before and he is pretty nice as far as surgeons go.
 Most surgeons I have dealt with are jerks)


I have a bunch of questions if he does recommend it.
I also have acupuncture first thing in the morning.


Allison and I are planning a little shopping after my appointment.
At least part of the day will be fun
:)

Weekend

I finished the quilt top for Emma. 
It actually went pretty quickly since its just a patchwork of large squares.
The worst part was getting them arranged....who knew a random look was so hard to do??

I know I bought some of this for the back. --->
But I can't find it.
I hate when that happens. 
Has to be upstairs somewhere.


Scott had his class reunion Saturday.
Man! Some of the people in his class look OLD!  LOL
All those girls that tanned in high school are some wrinkled 48 year olds. 
We overslept on Sunday, missed church
Scott had a headache anyway. Wonder why???  LOL


Sunday evening I made my first batch of homemade laundry soap.
I had to wash a couple loads right away.
I was impressed, dirty barn clothes came out nice and clean.
Even smelled fresh!  
Believe me, farmer and 100 degree temps make for some very stinky clothes! 

Friday

I picked up a copy of my MRI yesterday.
From what I can see
   (not like I know medical terms but after a few years of this I am learning a lot!)
it looks like my neck is stable. I think.


I got an email my pain clinic doctor,
he got a copy of the report too and actually knows what it says!  
He said he wants me to keep my appointment.
I knew he would say that.
Gotta start my list of questions to ask. 
I did lots of research a couple years ago when I went through this, 
this time I am not. Not yet anyway.
There is a lot of good information online, there is also a lot of crap.
And there are also icky pictures....I don't want to know what the inside of my neck looks like. God gave me skin for a reason! 


Oh we did get a little rain on Wednesday evening!
About a half inch
Lots of wind before the rain. Flattened some of our sorry corn
Hoping the rain will help the soybeans and the pastures.  And that it will rain again soon.
Little beef calves are their mamas are looking kinda thin.

going crazy

don't mind me, I am just thinking out loud here


I am making myself batty worrying about my MRI results and my appointment with the neurosurgeon next week.


Should I have surgery? If he even recommends it??
My primary doctor, pain clinic doctor, and my my brother's brother-in-law doctor, one of my chiropractors...
all tell me to do it.
I am not so sure.
The thought of spine surgery scares me.
REALLY scares me.

I am a little more open to the option of a disc replacement
but insurance says its experimental 
(excuse me but I don't think of 20 years of successful outcomes to be experimental but you don't listen to me)
Although one insurance rep told me to find a doctor that would plead my case and fight for me, It could get approved.


If I have fusion there is no turning back.
What if I am worse? What if I can't turn my head? 
You can't live in the boonies country and not be able to drive, I would be totally isolated. 


I worry way too much
I got that from my grandma and my mom
I can still hold out hope that my neck is stable and I can keep putting this off.
But it hurts so much I am miserable,
Chronic pain wears on a person. 
But I have met my deductible this year already
Still have about $4000 more to go in co-pay before I max that out.
But if I wait, I will have to start over again.


See? I flip flop a million times in a day.




arrgghhh
I need a nap and that is so not going to happen.
Tomorrow I am going to pick up a copy of the MRI and get the radiologist report,
hopefully I can see what he thinks

work in progress

A little rearranging
A little more stitching
A lot more pressing
And figure out something for the backing
Hoping this  baby will be finished in time for Emma's August birthday
I love the red and black
and the big squares

MRI

I survived. 
I kinda figured I would ;)


Darn, no Steve. He has done my last 4 MRIs
Oh well.
I had forgotten just how loud and annoying that thing can be,
just counted the thunks and bangs until I lost count
then I started again.
And again.
ditto. 



I made a potty stop and got a diet coke at McDonald's on the way out of town.
Someone was watching over me.
I missed a fatal car accident by minutes   :(
(I am sad for the family, I knew Jerry, was a very nice man, quite a talker)


Today would have been my mom's birthday. 
She was my angel, telling me to "pee when you get a chance"




I have goosebumps now.

t-shirts

I brought a tote bag full of old t-shirts to work with me today. 
Decided to cut them into long strips for t-shirt yarn.
Not sure what I will do with said yarn.
It might made a super soft bath mat someday. 
Upcycle.  Its a great concept. 
But who has time? 


I also have a tote full of old blue jeans....hmmm  :)