going crazy

don't mind me, I am just thinking out loud here


I am making myself batty worrying about my MRI results and my appointment with the neurosurgeon next week.


Should I have surgery? If he even recommends it??
My primary doctor, pain clinic doctor, and my my brother's brother-in-law doctor, one of my chiropractors...
all tell me to do it.
I am not so sure.
The thought of spine surgery scares me.
REALLY scares me.

I am a little more open to the option of a disc replacement
but insurance says its experimental 
(excuse me but I don't think of 20 years of successful outcomes to be experimental but you don't listen to me)
Although one insurance rep told me to find a doctor that would plead my case and fight for me, It could get approved.


If I have fusion there is no turning back.
What if I am worse? What if I can't turn my head? 
You can't live in the boonies country and not be able to drive, I would be totally isolated. 


I worry way too much
I got that from my grandma and my mom
I can still hold out hope that my neck is stable and I can keep putting this off.
But it hurts so much I am miserable,
Chronic pain wears on a person. 
But I have met my deductible this year already
Still have about $4000 more to go in co-pay before I max that out.
But if I wait, I will have to start over again.


See? I flip flop a million times in a day.




arrgghhh
I need a nap and that is so not going to happen.
Tomorrow I am going to pick up a copy of the MRI and get the radiologist report,
hopefully I can see what he thinks

work in progress

A little rearranging
A little more stitching
A lot more pressing
And figure out something for the backing
Hoping this  baby will be finished in time for Emma's August birthday
I love the red and black
and the big squares

MRI

I survived. 
I kinda figured I would ;)


Darn, no Steve. He has done my last 4 MRIs
Oh well.
I had forgotten just how loud and annoying that thing can be,
just counted the thunks and bangs until I lost count
then I started again.
And again.
ditto. 



I made a potty stop and got a diet coke at McDonald's on the way out of town.
Someone was watching over me.
I missed a fatal car accident by minutes   :(
(I am sad for the family, I knew Jerry, was a very nice man, quite a talker)


Today would have been my mom's birthday. 
She was my angel, telling me to "pee when you get a chance"




I have goosebumps now.

t-shirts

I brought a tote bag full of old t-shirts to work with me today. 
Decided to cut them into long strips for t-shirt yarn.
Not sure what I will do with said yarn.
It might made a super soft bath mat someday. 
Upcycle.  Its a great concept. 
But who has time? 


I also have a tote full of old blue jeans....hmmm  :)

No Idea

I have no idea why this song has been stuck in my head all morning. Christmas in July maybe?

Now you can listen too!
 Maybe it will get stuck in your head
and I will not be the only one singing like a silly elf!


:)

Pain clinic

Today I saw my doc at the pain clinic. I am  concerned about my worsening symptoms
 tingling, dropping things, weakness in my hands, dexterity issues, losing feeling in my finger tips. He is more concerned than me. 


He poked me with the pin. (They all poke me with pins.)
tested my strength in my hands and arms.
Sat and chatted. 


He scheduled am MRI for Friday, At least I can have the MRI close to home.
This way I get the nice MRI guy, Steve, he knows me well after all these years.
and a visit to a neurosurgeon in a few weeks back in LaCrosse.
I don't like that.


I told Michael, 
(and pretty sure he knows this about me since I have been seeing him for 4 years now.)
The thought of spine surgery scares the crap out of me.
But I also know there will come a time when putting off surgery will no longer be an option for me.
I am praying the issues with my neck have not gotten worse and its just nerve issues...oh wait - then I might have to have an EMG...dislike those!


On a lighter note, we went to Rudy's for onion rings . Yum :)
Then Target, got nothing exciting there.
And a few groceries on the way home.

too hot

Obviously, I have few followers.

Probably because I have few posts.
Its just too darn hot here to do anything you don't have to do.
Sewing in my old house upstairs is unimaginable.

I have some yarn and a potholder pattern here at work.
But the thermometer in my office says 94.
Bleeeccchhhh. I hate hot, and this big old brick building holds the heat like an oven.
I am not about to touch yarn! LOL

I really feel for people working outside.
And those milking cows, don't miss that on these hot days.
I just talked to one of my farmers and he hoped his cows would survive.
Oh the poor cows just pant when its like this :(

Someday I will be creative again.
In the mean time, pray for rain. Our corn crop is beyond hope now. It is tasseled out but will not make ears. We can only hope for moisture and be able to get some hay baled. It will be a long winter and feed costs will be unbelievable :(